Working with children is beyond entertaining. They say the funniest things and keep me rolling on the regular. Sometimes, I am shocked by the words that I find coming out of my mouth in response to ridiculous stories or actions. Kids certainly know how to keep us all on our toes. Every day is a new day full of unexpected adventures. So now, without further ado, I bring to you the Top 10 Kinder Comedies of my teaching career.
Santa in the Classroom
Around Christmas time, I was reading a book to the class. Everyone was sitting quietly and just LOVING the story! An energetic boy asked to go the restroom. I quickly gave him permission to take care of business. (We have a bathroom in the classroom.) He faithfully and quietly began to wash his hands after the restroom break. The next thing I knew, he had made a beard out of fluffy soap and turned around to scream, “I’m Santa!!!!!!!!”
No. Just no.
The Convenient Kleenex
While reading a book to the class, a student on the front row used the hem of my maxi-skirt to wipe the snot off of his nose… Whenever I questioned him as to why he used my skirt to wipe his nose, he replied “I didn’t have time to get up and grab a Kleenex.”
The Gas State
As a class, we were building an anchor chart regarding the states of matter. I asked the students to give me an example of matter in the gas state. One of my students raised her hand and I quote, “like the stinky stuff that comes out of your butt?”
That’s Not a Toilet
One of my sweet darlings had to go to the restroom while in the computer lab. I walked him to the bathroom because he had never been to the bathroom in that particular part of the school building. I waited outside just to make sure that he found his way back to the computer lab. While waiting, a few third graders entered the restroom. I heard them say to my student, “You went in the wrong one!” Next thing I knew, my student came out saying, “Mrs. Ackley! I went in the wrong one! It was the wrong one!” It turns out that he had gone number two in the urinal.
Throughout the month of February, we studied the presidents. The students read fiction and non-fiction stories about George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. They learned that both presidents had their faces carved into Mount Rushmore. Before students journeyed to their tables to begin writing, they had to tell me one fact about either George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. One eager student raised her hand and said, “Both of their faces were carved into Mount Mushroom!”
Every year, my class makes reindeer food to sell in our school’s Holiday Open House. The food is a mixture of oatmeal and glitter. With a completely straight face and a sense of longing, one of the boys asked, “Mrs. Ackley, if I eat the reindeer food… will I fly like a reindeer?”
The New Pledge
One of my students came up to me and said, “Mrs. Ackley, I have a new pledge of allegiance… I pledge allegiance… to November…. And to the turkeys I will eat. Amen. Thank ya Jesus!” It was a nice mixture of a pledge, prayer, and randomness.
I Will Be Great
I told a student, “You are truly going to be someone great one day.” He replied, “Yes, Mrs. Ackley. I know. I am going to be a ninja for Halloween.”
That’s the President
Me: What do we do every morning?
Kid: The president speaks from the ceiling and helps us say the pledges!
Me: Sweetie, that is a 5th grader, not the president.
The First Fire Drill
The first fire drill always makes me cringe. As I was explaining fire drill procedures, two kids broke down in tears. I continued to explain that a drill means “practice” and that the fire drill was going to be FUN- cut me some slack people, I was trying to reassure the kids! When the alarm sounded, one particularly adorable child jumped up and yelled, “Oh, this is that fun thing!!!!” Once outside, a visibly upset child asked me, “Who turned on the siren?” I explained that a fireman turned the siren on. The child looked at me with a horrified expression and said, “WHAT is a fireman?!?!” Then, he broke into hysterical sobs. I’m pretty sure he was picturing some evil, on-fire villain.
Well, there you have it. I hope that you got a good laugh out of these Kinder Comedies. Expect more in the future. Part 2 is already under construction.